Tears, Timepooling, and Hitler Babies
by memnarch
Summary: A tag to "A Good Man Goes to War" and "Let's Kill Hitler." Rory and Amy react to River's identity. Not nearly as silly as the title would suggest. Probably.


Tears, Timepooling, and Hitler Babies

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**Disclaimer: **I do not own _Doctor Who_. It belongs to the brilliant people who created it and the equally amazing people who run it currently.

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"It's me: I'm Melody. I'm your daughter."

Rory and Amy stood in complete and utter shock; their minds completely unable to process the information they'd been given.

Rory shook his head and blinked. "How-…what-…I, I don't-…"

"Oh, shut it stupid face!" Amy said tearfully, grabbing him around the shoulder and pulling he and River into a hug, "She's our _daughter_!"

Vastra and Jenny tactfully gave them some space while the new family became a mass of tears, arms and bewilderment.

Eventually the trio separated, although only just; the new parents clasping their grown daughter's hands tightly in fear that she might slip away again.

"We love you. Please, _tell_ me you know that," Rory said, wrapping his hand around Amy's waist.

"Of _course_ I do. I always have."

"So they…the people who took you, _stole_ you…did they tell you about us?" Amy asked.

River visibly swallowed and her mother could see the conflict in her eyes.

"I knew my name…" she replied slowly, her words careful and measured, "…and I knew yours. I remember _knowing_ that you loved me…I, I'm so sorry! Anything more than that and I-"

Amy nodded, wiping tears from her eyes, "I know: spoilers."

"I'm starting to _hate_ that word…" Rory grumbled, fingering the pommel of his sword.

"I think we _all_ are dad," River sighed, shaking her head.

"Dad?" Rory blinked, "_Dad_? That's…this is _so_ weird…"

"Daddy, you don't know the half of it!" River said, with a knowing smirk, turning to look at Jenny and Vastra, who started slightly; having been engaged in their own whispered conversation.

"You two have been patient enough. It's time we got you home."

"What about Dorium and Strax?" Rory asked, gesturing at their prone forms, "It doesn't feel right to just _leave_ them. Can't you like…tell their families or something?"

River smiled sadly, but shook her head.

"Strax is a Sontaran. They're grown in clone batches and his…well he's all that's left of his. As for Dorium…" she chuckled, "Oh Dorium…he'll be _fine_. He was a _very_ rich man. And the Headless Monks always take care of their wealthy converts. Religion never changes…"

As the two women finished gathering their things, Amy glanced around at their surroundings like a caged cat; still thoroughly overwhelmed by the day's events.

"So are we just supposed to wait here?" she inquired, doing her best to keep the tremor out of her voice, "With all the…dead…_headless_…people?"

"Of course not! We may as well 'timepool.' Don't you want to see…where and _when_ was it?" she asked, looking to Madame Vastra.

"London, 1888, the 6th of March. Somewhere out of sight, or at night, if at all possible," the Silurian replied, indicating her appearance.

"You could always take one of the monk's cloaks, ma'am," Jenny suggested.

Vastra blanched. "Just the thought of wearing the same garments as those _abominations_ is enough to make my scales crawl! No, we shall simply have to be stealthy if it comes to that."

"I was just trying to be helpful ma'am…" Jenny murmured under her breath.

"There I go again," Vastra chided herself, taking Jenny's hand, "Tactless as usual…I'll make it up to you once we're home."

The sword-wielding maid blushed, in spite of herself.

Having finished inputting the correct spatial-temporal coordinates, River linked arms with her parents, and called out to them, "Grab hold ladies! We're going for a _ride_!"

"You don't need to tell me twice…" Jenny said bawdily, slipping her hand around River's waist.

"Jenny!"

"Turnabout's fair play, ma'am."

With an electric-like crackle, the quintet disappeared from Demon's Run.

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As they watched the unlikely, bickering pair disappear into the foggy London night, Rory could only shake his head.

"This isn't even the weirdest thing about today…" he muttered, idly examining one of the oil lamps which lined the street.

"No time for sightseeing Dad! Mum looks a bit chilly!" River said, nodding to Amy, whose knees were shaking beneath her gown, "When did you want to be home?"

"A-April T-t-twentythird Twothousandeleven!" Amy managed to stammer out between the chattering of her teeth.

River gave a quick nod before turning away to input the coordinates.

She knew why her mother had chosen that date. How could she forget? It was the day after one of the best and worst days of her life.

Blinking back the tears that threatened to form in her eyes, she turned to face her parents; linking arms with them once more and taking them home.

It was a sunny day in Leadworth, and Amy's chills disappeared almost immediately. However, they were replaced just as quickly with a pounding headache.

"Ugh…I'll never complain about the TARDIS again…"

"Time travel without a capsule can be a little rough," River admitted, giving her a sympathetic squeeze, "I think I'm used to it by now though."

Rory kneaded his forehead as well. "Are there any side effects to that thing? I don't want you getting cancer or something…"

"Oh, I love it when you go all paternal," his daughter said fondly, "And no. Anyway, they've got a cure for cancer now."

"Do they? I don't suppose-"

"The 'S' word."

"Right! Sorry…wait, you meant spoilers, right? Not the…_other_…'s' word…"

Amy gave him a look of disbelief, swatting him on the arm, "_Honestly_…"

River, on the other hand, laughed, "No! Not _that_ one…I think they might've worked it out a bit sooner if it was."

They settled into an awkward silence.

Eventually, Amy spoke up. "You have to go don't you."

It wasn't a question.

"Yes. I don't want to…I really _do_ wish I could see you through this, but I can't. It's my past."

Amy pulled her into a hug, while Rory wrapped his arms around both of them.

"We love you," Amy whispered into her shoulder.

"Always," Rory added, kissing the top of her head.

"And I you," River replied, unafraid to hide her tears for this.

They remained this way for nearly ten minutes before she gently extricated herself from their embraces.

"You'll see me again soon. Don't worry."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Amy said, her tears finally drying, "I just…I _know_ you can't tell us how the Doctor finds you or where you were but…I just need to know: were you _happy_?"

River considered her answer very carefully.

"My early childhood, from what I remember of it…was terrible…"

As Amy felt fresh tears form in her eyes, River smiled reassuringly.

"_But_…growing up…I was _very_ happy."

And with a flash, she was gone.

Rory and Amy were all set to pull one another into another comforting hug, when there was another flash of light and River reappeared.

"Oh, and _don't_ forget to let him out of the cupboard once it's over."

Rory blinked. "What, the Doctor?"

River smiled, tapping her nose conspiratorially, "No, not the Doctor…"

And then she was gone again.

Amy, struck by the absurdity of it all, finally laughed. "It's a funny old life we lead…"

"Yeah…" Rory agreed, glancing down at his Roman garb and at his wife's hospital gown, "Suppose we'd better change before your mum and dad see us…"

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Several months later…

"Oh Pond," the Doctor smiled smugly, "haven't you figured that one out yet?"

Humming to himself, he retreated into one of the TARDIS's many corridors.

"So…are we just supposed to puzzle that one out on our own then?" Rory called after him.

"I'll weasel it out of him somehow…" Amy promised, taking a few steps after him, "I just hope I don't wind up in the broom cupboard agai-…oh…lord!"

"What? What is it?"

"We've…we left Hitler in the cupboard!"

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"Oi Hitler!"

One swift kick later and one of Earth's most infamous men was doubled over in pain.

"_Amy_!"

"What? You got to punch him! It's not every day you get to kick _Hitler_ in the bollocks…and who's to say I haven't saved the world from any future Hitler babies?"

"She's got a point Rory…"

"What, are you gonna' have a go too?"

"No, I mean about the Hitler babies…time can be rewritten…"

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The Fuehrer retired early that day, citing sudden and severe _muscular_ pains.

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**Author's Note:**

**My first **_**Doctor Who**_** story. I realize it's a little weird, but this is the way I envisioned it when the idea came to me. I've already got an idea for a multi-chapter **_**Doctor Who**_** fic as well, so if you liked this and want to see more from me, stay tuned!**


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